Today a woman told me...
"That's how I learned to negotiate," she said to me. "I told him that I could cook dinner." She told me how she used to keep money on her at all times, at least a dollar, so he could go buy a bottle and go away and pass out.
She told me that she regretted not killing him when she had the chance. She talked about wanting to hold a pillow over his face one time when he was so drunk, that he didn't even wake up when his cigarette had burned his knuckles red-brown. A few years later, he killed this woman's sister when she interceded when he was beating their youngest sister.
"If I had killed him, she would still be alive..." she mentioned wistfully.
"We always know what we should have done; never what we're going to do," I replied.
Apparently, it is that time of the year for someone else, too. She just up and said all this to me. I have sat in classes with her off and on for two years. It must near on the calendar....
Fuck the holidays forever. I don't even know what to say